


Forgiveness Has to be Earned

by t0nt0n



Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Canon Relationship, Post-Episode: s01e13 Morning Star
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-08-14 23:59:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8034088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t0nt0n/pseuds/t0nt0n
Summary: Post-Morning Star (Formerly a one-shot)Simon returns to the DuMort to beg for forgiveness.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a random plot bunny I had after watching the season finale. I wrote this when I was having writer's block for Takdir to clear my head a while ago and finally decided to post it.

“I hate to agree with her, but Clary’s right. Raphael is going to kill you the second you step into the hotel. Hell, he probably has a kill order out for you. It would be suicide,” said Alec. He knew that Clary would run after Simon if the vampire tried to return to Hotel DuMort and he couldn’t let Clary get injured. Jace would kill him if he found out.

“Listen to them Simon. Raphael can’t do anything to us because of the Accords, but you’re part of his clan. He’ll kill you and we won’t be able to stop him,” said Izzy.

“And where would I go?” asked Simon. “The hotel is my home now. We may have had a rough start, but Raphael has been trying his best to help me. And tonight I betrayed him. I know that it was the right thing to do, but I betrayed my clan. I have to go back to face them.”

“No! Simon, you can’t go. I just lost Jace, I can’t lose you too!” exclaimed Clary, with tears streaming down her face.

“I’m sorry Clary. I have to try to fix things with Raphael,” said Simon. 

***

Simon waited in the alley next to the Hotel Dumort until nearly midnight. He knew that most of the clan would be gone and not return until shortly before sunrise. He made his way through the side entrance as stealthily as he could, hoping that he wouldn’t run into any of the other vampires before he’s had a chance to talk to Raphael. He had made it all the way to the hallway of Raphael’s room before someone grabbed him by the shoulder.

“How dare you come back here fledgling!” hissed Lily, digging her nails into Simon’s shoulder. “I should stake you where you stand.”

“Li..lily! I need to talk to Raphael. Please. You can kill me afterwards.”

“I’m going to let you see him only because it would upset him even more if I didn’t. Fix this fledgling. Or I will end you.” Lily opened Raphael’s door and shoved Simon inside without another word.

Simon looked around the room in shock. Raphael’s usually immaculate room had been destroyed. Just as he was about to turn around and question Lily, Raphael blurred towards him and had him pinned against a wall.

“What are you doing here traitor?” said Raphael.

“I…I needed to talk to you. Fix things,” gasped Simon.

“There’s no fixing this,” snarled Raphael, “You betrayed your clan. After everything we did for you.”

“I know! And I’m sorry,” said Simon. 

“Sorry isn’t going to cut it. Not this time. You not only released Camille after being told explicitly not to go near her, but you also helped Shadowhunters blast sunlight into the hotel to do so. Did you even care that you could’ve killed half the Clan with that stunt? No. You were just thinking about your precious Clary.”

“Nobody was supposed to get hurt. It was only supposed to stop the clan from following us.”

“Tell that to Zeke and Derek. Magnus barely managed to save them.”

“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen,” cried Simon. “I was only trying to do the right thing. We needed the Book of the White to wake Jocelyn.”

“Then I hope the stupid book was worth losing your family over. Leave,” said Raphael, pushing Simon towards the door.

“No!” exclaimed Simon, clinging to Raphael’s arm. “Raphael, I’m sorry. I won’t do anything like that again. I swear.” 

Raphael sighed, “I can’t trust you and neither can the Clan. You need to leave Simon. The Clan is already calling for your blood. You can’t be here.”

“I don’t have anywhere to go. This is my home now.”

“You should’ve thought about that before you released Camille.”

“Please Raphael, I’m so sorry,” cried Simon, sobbing into Raphael’s shoulder. “You have to let me stay.” Simon’s heart clenched at the thought of leaving the hotel. Leaving Raphael. He didn’t know why, but the thought of never being able to see Raphael again upset him. He had gotten so used to seeing Raphael daily that he didn’t know what he would do without the other man constantly scolding him.

Raphael pulled himself free from Simon’s grip and looked at him. His fledgling was a mess. Raphael had been angry at first. So angry in fact, that he had destroyed his bedroom in rage. And now, all Raphael wanted to do was tell his fledgling that everything would be alright and that all would be forgiven. But he knew he couldn’t do that. As the Interim Chapter President he had duties to his Clan. He would need the Clan’s approval before he could let Simon back in.

“I can’t, Simon. You know I can’t. I can take back the kill order but I still have to banish you. At least for now. Forgiveness has to be earned and I can’t let you come back until the entire Clan has forgiven you.”

Simon knew deep down that this had been a long shot. He knew he wouldn’t be forgiven so easily. If he was honest with himself, he was lucky to have made it this far into the hotel without being killed. So he nodded his head silently and walked away.

Just as Simon reached the door, Raphael said, “Go to Bane. He’s pissed at you and the Shadowhunters, but he’ll let you stay with him if you have no where else to go.”

***

“Is everything okay? It’s not Zeke or Derek is it?” asked Magnus as soon as he picked up the phone.

“They’re fine, thanks to you,” said Raphael. “I owe you one for that by the way.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t let you forget,” said Magnus. “If it’s not about Zeke and Derek then why are you calling me so late?”

“I know I’ve probably used up my favors for the century already, but I need you to do something for me.”

“Let me guess, you’re regretting that kill order you put on Steven.”

“Dios Magnus, his name is Simon. It’s not that difficult!”

“So I’m right?”

“The Clan knows the order isn’t real. I’m not saying they’re not upset, because we all are, but nobody will actually follow through with it.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“He came by to apologize. Begged me to let him come back. But you know I can’t do that. He betrayed the Clan and I can’t let him back without some form of punishment. The entire Clan has to forgive him before I can let him come back.”

“So he’s temporarily banished?”

“Basically. But he has nowhere to go. I don’t think he wants to stay with the Shadowhunters and frankly I don’t want him at the Institute.”

“You want me to take him in?” 

“Please, he’s a mess right now. With Valentine lurking about, it’s dangerous for him to be alone.”

“Fine,” sighed Magnus dramatically, “But let it be known that I’m only doing this because you’re in love.”

“WHAT?!? Magnus, are you insane?” exclaimed Raphael. “I’m just looking out for a member of my clan. I’m not in love with Simon.”

“You just told me that Scott has been banished, so don’t try claiming him as one of yours,” said Magnus dryly. “And you made him ‘advisor to the interim chapter president.’”

“Your point?” asked Raphael. “That doesn’t mean I’m in love with him.”

“Raphael, you needed Simon as your advisor about as much as I needed Alec for his virgin shadowhunter energy. It was just an excuse for you to be around him.”

“Just take care of him for me Bane.”


	2. Chapter 2

After leaving the DuMort, Simon walked around aimlessly for hours. He didn’t know what to do or even where to go. Going back to the Institute wasn’t an option, not if he wanted his clan to forgive him. He had thought about going to Magnus, like Raphael had suggested, but he didn’t think the Warlock would be welcoming after the stunt he had pulled with the sunlight. Maybe he could stay with his mom for awhile. Simon pulled out his phone to check the time only to realize that he had a dozen missed calls and 30 minutes before sunrise. Just as he was about to start looking for an abandoned building to hide in, his phone rang again.

 

“Magnus?” asked Simon, surprised that the warlock would be calling him.

 

“Sean!” exclaimed Magnus. “Where the hell are you? Biscuit said you weren’t at the Institute or your mother’s.”

 

“Umm…Central Park,” replied Simon, confused as to why the warlock would need to know where he was. “Why?”

 

“No wonder Raphael keeps calling you an idiot,” said Magnus, exasperated, “It’s 30 minutes to sunrise and you’re wandering the streets of New York.”

 

“Despite everything that happened, I don’t actually have a death wish Magnus. I was about to find a place to crash for the day.”

 

“That won’t be necessary,” said Magnus, “You’ll be staying with me.”

 

“What do you mean?” asked Simon.

 

“Stop asking questions and get your ass to my apartment Steven,” said Magnus. “Before you turn extra crispy and I have to explain to Raphael why I let his fledgling go up in flames.”

 

Simon didn’t need to hear any more. He hung up and began the 10 minute walk to Magnus’ apartment. Now that he had a chance to think about it, he realized that Raphael must’ve asked Magnus to take him in.

 

***

 

“Scott, come in,” said Magnus, opening the door.

 

“Hey Magnus,” said Simon nervously. He knew the man had every reason to be mad at him. Not only was he a fellow downworlder, he was also one of Raphael’s closest friend.

 

“Relax,” said Magnus, “I’m not going to lecture you about your stupidity. I heard you were feeling guilty enough as it is. Besides, I know it was more Biscuit’s plan than yours.”

 

“Thanks,” said Simon, letting out a sign of relief.

 

“Just promise me you won’t do anything to harm our kind again,” said Magnus, “We have enough problems with Valentine and the Clave. We don’t need to be adding to our troubles.”

 

“I promise,” said Simon.

 

“Okay, so you can have the guest room, second door to the right. Raphael sent all your things over a couple hours ago.”

 

Simon looked up from where he had been staring at the ground, “Raphael was here?”

 

“No,” said Magnus apologetically, “He sent Lily and Stan.”

 

“Oh. Of course,” said Simon miserably.

 

“Give it some time Samuel. The fact that you’re still alive, or I guess undead, says a lot already. You did a lot of damage tonight. Both to Raphael and the Clan. You can't fix everything with one apology.”

 

“I know. I just don’t know how I’m going to make it up to them.”

 

“I’m not sure what to tell you Sheldon. For now, go get some sleep.”

 

When Simon opened the door to his new room, he smelled Raphael’s scent. He looked around wildly until he spotted it. There sitting on top of the nightstand was a thermos of what was presumably blood, and note. Raphael must’ve had Lily and Stan leave it for him.

 

_Magnus has agreed to let you stay as long as you need. Don’t forget to feed and be safe. - R._

 

Simon gripped the note tightly, not wanting to let go of his last connection with Raphael. He took a deep breath and placed the note in a drawer for safekeeping. He then opened the thermos slowly and took large gulps of the perfectly warmed blood, finally noticing how hungry he had been. He thought about the note as he finished the blood. Raphael still cared about him. Or at least he cared enough to not let Simon starve. That had to meant hat Simon had a chance of returning to the DuMort right? Simon’s last thoughts as he fell asleep were that he would find a way to get Raphael to forgive him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had writer's block for the longest time trying to figure out how Simon would earn his forgiveness back. Hope you guys like this chapter!

Raphael looked up from his desk when he smelled his fledgling approaching his door. Furrowing his brow in confusion, he blurred to the door and threw it open. Lily stood on the other side of the door with one hand prepared to knock and the other holding the thermos he had given Simon.

“Stan found this outside the front door,” said Lily apologetically, knowing that her clan leader had been hoping to see his wayward fledgling.

“Thank you, Lily,” said Raphael, nodding curtly before taking the thermos and closing the door. Sighing, he began to place the thermos on his desk when he heard a clinking noise in the thermos. Twisting the cap open, he found several sheets of paper inside. Turning the cup over, three sheets of paper slid onto his desk. Each sheet was folded in half and addressed to a different person: Raphael, Zeke, and Derek. Taking an unnecessary breath, Raphael broke the piece of tape keeping the paper closed.

_Raphael,_

_I don’t know if you’re going to find this or if you would and just throw it away, but I have to try. I’m sorry. I really am. I know you said that an apology wasn’t enough, and I get it. But I still have to say it. I’m sorry for everything. I know I hurt the clan. The clan trusted me and I almost got everyone killed. Most of all, I’m sorry I hurt you, Rafa. I know you think I chose Clary over the clan, but I didn’t. I thought I was doing the right thing. Valentine is back and I thought that getting the Book of the White would help protect everyone. I only wanted to talk to Camille. I didn’t think Clary would release her. I’m sorry._

_-Simon_

_P.S. Thank you for the O-, I know you didn’t have to._

Raphael clutched the note tightly in his hand as he read the note a second time. The vampire closed his eyes briefly before placing the note back on his desk. He picked up the other two notes and contemplated opening them before deciding against it. Opening the locked drawer in his desk, he placed the note addressed to him inside before heading to the infirmary to look for Zeke and Derek.

When Raphael walked into the room, he found a majority of the clan sitting with Zeke and Derek. Thanks to Magnus, the two injured vampires were looking better. Most of the burns had started to heal, though it would still take weeks of potions before they were back to normal.

“Zeke, Derek, how are the two of you feeling today?” asked Raphael, concerned for the well-being of his clan members.

“Better now that the wounds are actually starting to heal,” replied Zeke.

“Stop worrying so much, Raphael. Magnus already told you that he would bring us potions everyday until we healed properly,” said Derek, rolling his eyes at his clan leader.

“Good,” said Raphael, before pausing to find the right words. Clearing his throat, Raphael handed each vampire their respective note and said, “It’s from Simon. He left it in front of the hotel. If you don’t want to read it, feel free to toss it.” The rest of the clan immediately began to protest, angry that their fledgling had betrayed them. Holding up a hand to silence them, Raphael waited for the two injured vampires to react.

Without a word, Derek tore his note to pieces and threw them into the trashcan next to his bed. Zeke looked at his friend, torn as to what to do. Derek had barely known Simon, but Zeke had considered Simon a friend. There had been many a night when the fledgling had talked Zeke’s ears off while the other vampire attempted to teach him the ropes. Deciding to at least read the note, Zeke ripped off the seal.

_Zeke,_

_I am so sorry. While I know that it won’t be much comfort, please know that I never intended for you or anyone else to get hurt. Izzy had promised me that the sunlight would only be used as a distraction so that Clary could get out. I had no idea that she would blast the wall like that. I’m sorry that you were injured because of my mistake. I’m sorry._

_-Simon_

On some level, Zeke understood why Simon did what he did. The fledgling had been trying to help the one connection to his mundane life that he had left. It was something all vampires did in the beginning. Of course the baby of their clan would take it to the extreme. Not knowing how to feel or react, Zeke passed the note off to Lily who read it and passed it around the clan.

When Magnus walked into the infirmary, the mood was somber. Everyone was thinking about Simon and trying to figure out how they felt about the fledgling. “Is everything okay?” asked Magnus cautiously.

“We’re fine, just considering a clan matter. Thank you for coming, Magnus,” said Raphael gratefully, “Were you able to make the potions?”

“Of course!” exclaimed Magnus, “I should be offended that you’re doubting my skills as High Warlock.”

Raphael rolled his eyes and replied, “I’m only asking because you said yesterday that you were short on some of the ingredients.”

“Yes well, thanks to you, I have someone I can send on errands,” replied Magnus nonchalantly as he took out the potions and handed them to Zeke and Derek.

“Simon?” asked Stan, who had helped move the fledgling’s things into Magnus’ loft.

Derek, who had been about to drink his potion, took the potion away from his lips, “The traitor helped make this?”

“Yes,” replied Magnus, “He was quite eager to help when he realized it was for the two of you. I know you don’t exactly care for him right now, but that potion is the only thing that will help your wounds heal, so drink up.”

“Fine,” mumbled Derek as he grudgingly drank the potion.

“Well then, if there’s nothing else, I will be back tomorrow,” said Magnus, “Walk me out would you, Raphael?”

Knowing that Magnus wanted to talk away from the ears of the clan, Raphael followed the warlock out the door. The two walked in companionable silence until they reached the entrance of the hotel. “What did you want to talk about?”

“What are you talking about?” asked Magnus, pretending not to know the answer.

“Damn it, Magnus. I don’t have time for this!” exclaimed Raphael, “Just say what you came here to say.”

“Stuart,” replied Magnus, “He’s completely broken up about being banished from the clan. I heard him cry himself to sleep last night. He also hasn’t fed since last night and I know he should be feeding more often as a fledgling. The only way I could get him out of his room was to get him to help me pick up ingredients for those potions.”

“He was here earlier, you know. He dropped off the thermos I asked Lily to leave,” replied Raphael, not sure what else to say.

“He must’ve done it when he went to the apothecary for me,” said Magnus.

“It’s not good for him to go so long without feeding,” said Raphael, “Did you tell him that?”

“What do you take me for, an idiot? Of course I did. But he wouldn’t listen. I’m pretty sure he only fed last night because the blood was from you,” replied Magnus.

“ _Iditoa_ ,” cursed Raphael, “Wait, I have an idea. Don’t leave yet.” Raphael ran to his room and grabbed the thermos that Simon had returned before heading to the blood vault. Grabbing a couple packs of O negative, he quickly warmed them up before emptying them into the thermos. Making his way back to the lobby, he said, “Here. Tell the fledgling that he has to feed in order to stay alive long enough to make amends to the clan. It’s his favorite, O negative.”

Shaking his head, Magnus took the thermos and created a portal. With a nod to his friend, he stepped through into his apartment. Placing the thermos on the kitchen counter, Magnus began walking toward Simon’s room. Before he could knock however, the fledgling threw his door open and blurred past Magnus.

“Rafa?” asked Simon, looking around the living room in confusion. When his eyes landed on the thermos, his heart broke. Raphael had returned the thermos without reading his apology letters. Shoulders slumped, Simon walked back to his room.

“Simon?” asked Magnus cautiously, using the vampire’s name for the first time. “I know you’d prefer it if Raphael were here. But you need to feed. Both Raphael and I are very worried. He said it was your favorite, O negative.”

Simon turned around so quickly Magnus was surprised that he didn’t get whiplash. “Rafa sent me blood? I thought he was returning my letters.”

“What letters?” asked Magnus.

“I wrote him, Derek, and Zeke letters. They were inside the thermos,” replied Simon.

“Raphael must’ve taken them out. The only thing in that thermos right now is your dinner. So be a good vampire and go drink,” said Magnus.

Nodding, Simon opened the thermos and smelled the blood. Drinking thirstily, Simon finished the blood in a matter of seconds. He looked at the empty thermos longingly when he was done.

“There’s more in the fridge. I stocked up when I knew you were staying,” said Magnus, gesturing to his refrigerator.

“No thanks,” said Simon, taking the thermos to the sink to wash.

“You know I have magic right? I can clean and it and return it tomorrow,” said Magnus.

“It’s okay, I’ll do it,” said Simon, “It’s the least I can do.”

 


End file.
